Saturday, November 17, 2012

ROBOT LOVE: COURTING THE DARKIES


 
Scene 1: Party. Glass of milk in hand, a middle aged white man in a sleeveless V-neck sweater approaches a young, attractive black woman.

 
Jerrod: Hi. I’ve been watching you for a while and I think we should get married.
 

Roxy: What the…? Who are you?
 

Jerrod: Jerrod.
 

Roxy: Why would I marry you?
 

Jerrod: Well, like I said, I know a little about you. I’ve done some calculating and I think we are compatible.
 

Roxy: Mm hm…Mm hm. Well I have a boyfriend and…..

 
Jerrod: I know but your boyfriend has cheated on you 4 times and he….

 
Roxy: How the *&!@#%! did you know that!!??

 
Jerrod: I know your boyfriend well. He cheats on you and he takes you for granted.

 
Roxy: (sigh)…..I know he’s not perfect but he always knows what to say when he messes up. He writes these sweet poems. He tells me how beautiful I am. He brings me flowers and these cute little gifts all the time. He’s so thoughtful. Why should I dump him?

 
Jerrod: It’s all right here on this chart. See here? Time spent at current job, amount in 401k, my profile on the MMPI personality test, and so on. This mathematical formula here shows the projected number of children we would have, probable universities they would attend, value of our home adjusted for inflation, projected range of happiness, etc. Clearly…..Ok, I can see you are confused by some of this. See, the X and Y axes represent….Let’s just look at this pie chart.

 
Roxy: Mm hm…Mm hm. Well, I tell you what. Here’s my (fake) number. I’ll think it over.


(End of scene 1.)

 
Have you ever witnessed a teenage boy with a severe developmental disorder hit on a pretty woman? I have. It was sweet and kind of touching but also a bit creepy. It was awkward. So goes Republican attempts at wooing minorities. Like the cringe inducing title of this blog, conservatives aren’t overtly racist but they offend nonetheless. (Notice “developmental disorder” was used instead of “retard”? That kind of thing is important.)

 
It is almost a unanimous consensus that Romney’s loss is because of his poor showing with non-whites. Interestingly, no one blames it on anti-Mormon bigotry. George W. Bush got 44% of Latinos and 44% of Asians, and 11% of the African American vote. Romney got 27% of Latinos, 26% of Asians, and 6% of African Americans. The percentage of non-white voters is increasing by about 2% per election. If skin color and liberalism were like conjoined twins, the GOP would indeed be doomed. But the marriage of skin color to Democrats is like worn out Velcro on those shoes from the 80’s (Which, like the mullet, I’m desperately waiting for a come back). Mike Huckabee may have gotten 48% of the black vote in Arkansas’ governor race in 1998. If true, it is not unthinkable for the GOP to make increases on a dramatic scale.

 
Conservatives have long pointed out overlap with non-whites on social issues. It’s true that Latinos have a 53% out of wedlock birthrate but strong family values is still considered a part of the culture. Also, gay marriage is looked down on in the black community and both groups have strong religious roots. The church door may be wide open for the GOP to walk through. While the Catholic Church has a muscular social justice faction, American bishops are often clear and sharp-tongued about the incompatibility of abortion and gay marriage as well as the recent assaults on Church sovereignty through Obamacare. But minorities often agree on other issues as well. Most Hispanics do not believe in bilingual education or open border unlimited immigration and a majority of blacks and Hispanics also believe in requiring an ID to vote. This is not to say minorities hate government and are in love with supply side economics. They’re not. But just because Jesse Jackson gets doughy-eyed when gazing at the Fidel Castro poster in his bedroom, doesn't mean his racial counterparts are the same.

 
The left destroys everything it touches but one thing it has been wildly successful at is branding the right as bigoted. Some of it is intentional and shameless but much of it is pure ignorance. (See “The War on Men”) If a Republican dares to vote against a program for the poor, it must be out of hatred. Yet, for all the righteous whining about racial demagoguery, conservatives shoot themselves in the foot. Again and again and again. The clumsiness and insensitivity in discussing race can be, well, asinine. Rush Limbaugh’s Barack the Magic Negro song was not a big hit in South Central L.A. And, in a moment that surely made Latino Republicans wince in pain, when Ann Coulter was asked about Susana Martinez’ speech at the Republican Convention on The Michael Medved Show, Ann mocked her Spanish accent and said she changed the channel. She then talked about the brilliance of Condaleeza Rice’s speech but the damage was done. Conservatives think that because they feel race is meaningless, they therefore are not racist and they have the freedom to say stupid things about race. No. They don’t.
 

There is a belief among many right wing ideologues that if an attractive, conservative candidate comes along who is true enough and pure enough in their dogma, then conservatives from everywhere would rise from the ground and vote en masse, ensuring eternal victory. It is a stupid fantasy. Conservatives are right to abhor political correctness but while it is good and well to defend philosophy, it is equally important to cultivate relationships. In a marriage, is it important to be right all the time? Should a man point out when his wife’s posterior does indeed look big in those pants? Should a wife tell her man she just knew he wasn’t going to be able to fix that leak and he was an idiot to try? There are rules in relationships and Republicans are breaking them all when it comes to race. Embracing comprehensive immigration is good but that alone will not fix the problem. Everybody now knows the GOP needs minorities. Their attempts to make inroads will look like weak and shameless pandering. Some will argue that the policies themselves need to change, that the GOP needs to moderate. But if the conservative gospel is indeed good for everyone, why should it change? It shouldn’t. Presentation and marketing need drastic overhauls but that is just the beginning. For decades, Republicans virtually ignored these communities while Democrats mined them, exploited them, lied to them, and took them for granted. They are masters of identity politics and we need to play their game, not to pander, but to talk. The right way. And we don’t do that by starting out with, “WHAT PART OF ILLEGAL DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND??!!”
 

        Republican Approach:                                           

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
      










      “Hello…attractive…female.”                                                    


               Democrat Approach:














                        "Hey baby."


The fact is the GOP thought it enough to expect people to vote as citizens and not as a member of their race. It’s a noble sentiment but when you claim to be the party that embraces reality, you must accept that a lot of people just want to know who cares about them. Democrats resort to bribery and false promises because it’s easy. The conservative argument is more complicated but it’s also the right one. We have to start making it personal. We need to explain how Reaganomics got people back to work. We need to talk about the civil rights issue of our day, how Republicans want to improve public education with charter schools, vouchers, teacher merit pay, and other good ideas for their sons and daughters. We need to explain how the Democrats are siding with their union stooges and standing in the way. What conservatives need is an army of bright eyed, fresh-faced partisans walking through the worst parts of town, knocking on doors and saying, “I love you, I care about you, and I’m a Republican”. There will be many doors slammed in faces. Some may get shot. But some will invite them in and some will even listen. When that happens, things are going to get interesting.

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